Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Five Years

Happy Birthday to my precious boy!  

Gideon turned five years old today.  

Five years ago today a beautiful baby boy was born in Eastern Europe.  His parents . . . who were they?  We don't know.  My heart goes out to his birth mother today.  I wonder if she remembers him.  I wonder if she had big dreams for him.  I wonder how it all happened . . . how he ended up being left alone.  In an orphanage.  I wonder so many things.  In a couple of months I will hear the information in Gideon's file, and maybe I will learn the answers.  Or maybe not even then.  That is just how things go when adopting from Gideon's country.  

I wonder what Gideon's day was like today.  I have been praying for him all day, praying that somebody would show him a bit of love and kindness today.  Praying that God would wrap my boy in His loving arms today and sustain him for a while longer.  Praying that God would whisper into Gideon's heart to hang on just a bit longer.  That He would whisper, "Your mommy and daddy are coming, dear one!"  

Gideon is a mystery to me:  a child I have never held, never kissed, never laid eyes on.  I don't know his voice.  I don't know how big he is.  I don't know all that much about him at all.  Yet I love him.  I love this boy so much, and he does not even know we exist.  

But God willing, this will be the 
last birthday that he spends alone.  

Today I spent his birthday driving around town, begging convincing various people to write letters and fill out forms to move our adoption along.  I bought some little toys for him.  I sent out more emails to try to move things along (paperwork things that just are not moving along . . . arrgg!)  I finished up the editing on a little video I've been putting together to show people what our adoption is all about (stay tuned . . . it will be ready to share very soon!)  I sanded the drywall mud down in Gideon's new bedroom.  I prayed for him a lot.  And I found myself in tears off and on throughout the day.  Five birthdays I've missed.  It is enough to break a mommy's heart.  No child should be alone on his birthday.  
And then to end the day, I took my kids to a birthday party.  A little friend of theirs just turned four years old.  Yep, my son's birthday most likely passed unnoticed, and we were at another child's party.  I feel like I betrayed Gideon somehow.  It was a very nice party, by the way, and a good distraction . . . but still. 

1 comment:

Jill said...

Happy Birthday Gideon! :-) Your mama and papa are coming soon sweet boy!