are really starting to wonder if their new brothers will ever be home. Poor little Josiah was getting pretty upset about it last night. He looked like he was about to cry when he said, "Mom, are my new brothers EVER going to come home? Cuz' I don't think they are ever really going to come. They're not coming, Mom! They are never coming, are they?"
You have to understand that my kids have already lost siblings more than once . . . we have tried to adopt through foster care three times, and all three times those kids have ended up being moved to go back to biological families. Their last loss was perhaps the worst. Their two-year-old foster sister, whom they all adored, was moved very abruptly to return to her birth mother after we had been told for months that she would soon be free for adoption. While we had never promised our kids that she would be their "forever sister," they talked about it constantly and assumed that she would stay. We all did. And when she left, our kids really grieved. They still miss her so much.
While our kids are very excited to get their new brothers home, and especially excited that they will be FOREVER BROTHERS and not brothers that might have to move out at any time, they are definitely feeling the stress of the uncertainty right now. They are hesitant to even talk about the boys lately, it seems. "Are they really coming, Mom?" "Mom, if Gideon really comes . . ." I hear these things all the time. And truly, I cannot promise them anything yet. They do know that at this point, we are HOPING to adopt these boys. They are aware that plans could still change. We could still be told that these boys are no longer available for adoption. There is no reason to think that will happen, but it could. So I have had to make sure the kids know that, too. Because their hearts have already been broken too many times.
Once the brothers are home, I think it will be such a relief for them to KNOW that this is different. That this time they can really bond completely. This time they won't have to guard their hearts. This time there will be no social worker showing up to take their brothers back to "the other mom." Very soon, we will know. Very soon, we will be able to tell them, "These are your brothers forever." But right now, the uncertainty. It is hard to guide them through this. It is hard for all of us.