For each of my children, I keep a journal. I write little love letters to them, here and there, throughout the years, whenever it occurs to me to do so. I write down the funny, cute things they say. I write down their likes, dislikes, favorites, best friends, dreams, snippets of conversations, of their personality and spirit. Sometimes I have gone a full year without writing in the journals; other times I have written four or five times in one month. There are no rules. Just a book full of letters. Someday I will give them their journals, and pray that they mean as much to them as they mean to me.
I first wrote in Isaac's journal in November of 1999. Derek and I were married in August 1999, so I am actually surprised, looking back now, that I started his journal THREE MONTHS after the wedding? Wow, I had forgotten how soon after our wedding I had started that. Oh, and by the way, Isaac was born October 2002, years after that first entry. Who says a love letter cannot be written to somebody before they exist? Because I already knew that I loved him very much, even then.
And so it was with great joy that I began to shop for a new journal recently. Because I have so much I want to say to Gideon. My son. True, I don't know him yet. I have never met this child. I don't have cute sayings or cherished memories to record. But I do have words of love. And so I am filling the first pages of Gideon's new journal with love letters, in the hopes that someday, they may be precious to him. A record of how very much he was loved, even before he knew that I existed.
And I am eagerly awaiting the day that I will have my dear Gideon home with me, when I will have so many things to write about. Just hoping I will have enough energy at the end of the day to pick up a pen!
Who says a love letter cannot be written to somebody before they know you exist? I already know that I love Gideon very much. He is my son, and I am his mom, and this is a record of that love.